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Relationships are energy exchanges and two people are giving it's the best stuff on earth. I have had relationships that tended to devolve into energy sucking, both ways. I was first in a relationship with a much older man and really wanted him to take care of me and figure things out. Then I was in a relationship with a much younger man who drained my energy so bad I was depressed for a year after he left. I'm confident I won't do either kind of relaltionship again. I feel like I have a relationship to my own source energy and will find my way back to that from now on.
What do you all think? Do you think that relationships are essentially co-dependent until both people are fully connected to their own source of energy? Or is it just growing and differentiating until we have our full selves , and can be two whole people together and two whole people apart?
What's the key to non-codependent , whole relationship between two equal entities?
What do you all think? Do you think that relationships are essentially co-dependent until both people are fully connected to their own source of energy? Or is it just growing and differentiating until we have our full selves , and can be two whole people together and two whole people apart?
What's the key to non-codependent , whole relationship between two equal entities?
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Mon, July 27, 2009 - 9:13 PMIf the Universe was "created", as in with intent, then all this diversity is here for a purpose. Perhaps we all "need" each other -and all this diversity of life around us- because we'd die of boredom otherwise. Of course, being among the many species on the planet divided as male or female, we necessarily depend on the opposite sex for procreation. As the free and abstract thinking creatures that we are, this fact will of course will form in other areas of our lives.
That being said, experience has led me to believe that when we're not in our own Self and power, then we naturally lean towards "borrowing" Self and power from others. I believe that a healthy relationship is only possible when we're secure in our self and in possession of our own power -at least enough for our purposes. Sometimes we're fine as we are, but have to "network" to do greater things.
I'm not sure if this will answer your question, but it's what comes to mind. -
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Mon, July 27, 2009 - 11:11 PM"I believe that a healthy relationship is only possible when we're secure in our self and in possession of our own power"
yes yes
the delicate balance of autonomy and mutual support...
ever a challenge but so rewarding
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Tue, July 28, 2009 - 8:54 AM"I believe that a healthy relationship is only possible when we're secure in our self and in possession of our own power"
I too agree with this statement. It's so important to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how can we love others? I share a similar experience with a relationship that I was in for 2 years. It was a constant energy drainage (of course I was unaware of it at the time and young) and the both of us were dependent on each other for either fixing ourselves or the other and/or being in control. After ending this relationship, it was as if the drainage went on and I was depressed for awhile until I received support from a therapist and let go of this person. Then some walls started to form around me for protection. It's only been recently in the past 5 or so years I'm letting those walls down, piece by piece. my relationship with my husband has grown so much because of it.
Anyway, it's definitely challenging but so good in the end. It's just like the physiology of the body: always finding balance. -
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Tue, July 28, 2009 - 11:12 PMthere can be many energy dynamics in a relationship... i agree with everyone else here. we need to be 'happy' and fullfilled with ourselves. we can't expect the other person to 'make' us happy etc.... (that isn't actually what was said!) maturity which involves the ability to see and understand our emotions and actions and especially how they effect others, is super important . and then to be level headed and understanding all around with ourselves and our partners also. there r so many factors. if a couple is both willing, and humble to understand the other... then chances r great. true caring and understanding is all that it comes down to. to actually drop one's ego and have the ability to care and acknowledge that one is not always 'right'. WOW what a revelation! helps alot. in a perfect world! ;^)
dissagreements will always happen. no one is perfect.
some relationships can be very taxing and draining. i lived and with a depressed person for 6 years. my whole being changed. it didnt help that we moved far away from anyone i knew. it took me a good year to find myself after i broke up with that man. i did love him so much. however he did not love himself, and therefore did not know or have the ability to show real love after the 1st few months of us being together. such is life...... and then we learn..
and then we learn to deal with our own issues... because perhaps there r things within ourselves that r unresolved,... that r still trying to play themselves out within our lives. within our relationships... and if.. we r... astute! and aware enough... we can catch these pattens and situations before we become too comfortable with them... we learn to discern, heathy relationships and behaviour from potentially harmful and unhealthy relationships etc...!
i don't know
i think each person needs to be strong within themselves. i think each person needs to be connected to their own source of energy... or whatever it is that inspires them and makes them happy... sometimes we get down, and like all good friendships hopefully the other is there to help out. which is and energy exchange... it all is. if we depend on the other to source us and keep us up all the time we will be a constant energy drain... and always unfulfilled after the 1st few months.
my cousin put it very well when he told me that he doesn't agree with the marital vow (or whatever it is!) they say "u complete me" he told me that he preferred the phrase "u compliment me" which in all actuallity, perhaps might be more wise!
anyways ... those r my thoughts
cheers
meme ;^) -
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Wed, July 29, 2009 - 3:35 PMI don't know who originally said it, but I heard this from my mother:
"You may not be perfect, but you're perfect for me" (grin) -
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Wed, July 29, 2009 - 3:48 PMyes, to all that has been said.
As I feel more completed within myself, I am looking for someone to just compliment me.
The person that compliments me has also done a lot of his own inner work. It's so key to being me at this point, the inner work, I don't know how people live without it for themselves.
Being complete makes it so much easier to be single. I used feel like I was missing something and then it makes sense I attracted people into my life who were similarly missing pieces of themselves. I also looked for someone to be my everything. I'm getting better at taking or appriciating the men I date for the stuff they do offer. So one is really great in bed, but still not the one or one is very emotionally available but otherwise unavailable. I don't need everything from anyone. And I have that acceptance to offer someone too.
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Re: Relationships, energy drain and source....
Fri, August 14, 2009 - 6:42 PMGreat issues that you raised. It's heartening to see so many people thinking well on this issue. Of course thinking and doing are different things. It's easy to feel compelled by one's own neediness, craving or sense of vulnerability. This topics brings up lots of issues that I've thought about at some length. I guess most women think about relationships a great deal. Anyway, it seems to me that we like to think about ourselves as an integrated whole, when too often we are like a traveling circus made of clowns, freaks, elephants, dancing bears, acrobats and painted ladies. We don't even know all the parts of ourselves, each with it's own agenda, pushing and pulling us this way and that.
I've found it immensely helpful to notice whenever I feel pulled or pushed off-center. Then I focus on the actual location of the feeling and tune in to the feeling and any associated imagery and beliefs. Often I discover fear or sadness. I use a variety of energy clearing techniques to assist me in letting go of negative feelings or beliefs and reconnecting with my center.
Centering is another vitally important practice that seems relevant to the whole issue of healthy relationships. The healing work that I do with myself and offer others puts a great deal of emphasis on centering and obtaining one's own inner guidance from that place. I often use the word "Source" when talking about either the energy or the guidance that can be found in one's own center. It's great to see others using that terminology.
One way I have found to visualize healthy relationships between people is with figure eights. In my Energy Medicine studies, we learned that the energy field is healthiest when it is well-woven throughout in figure eight patterns. Whenever anyone has a hole in their energy field, or some difficulty with appropriate boundaries, or after some energy intervention such as removal of an intrusion, then it is always a good idea to "figure eight" the energy field.
Furthermore, when I am in a social situation, especially when there is some tension or possibility of conflict, I visualize figure eights between me and each other person. Figure eights are a great way to connect energetically because the pattern honors each person's individual integrity as well as their connection.
